By the time he got to Woodstock…

woodstock Guru
There are trail runs that rock your world and there are trail runs that change your life, my self-supported Yogaville 108k was both. (Recall: http://integralyogamagazine.org/running-a-moving-meditation/)

I got to Yogaville on Wednesday afternoon and changed in the campers bathhouse and took off down the maze of magical trails. Not even a half mile later I bonked my nugget on a tree that had fallen across the trail and never even saw it coming. In fairly short order, I started balling my eyes out thinking I was in way over my head and now my head wasn’t quite right after being knocked silly – No tribe, no pacers, no crew, and very little common sense.

I asked Swami Satchidananda to be with me for the next 67 miles and felt a sense of peace come over me, I was in his home and knew that I would be ok. Shortly thereafter, I ran past a tree that was shivering. The leaves were rustling and the entire tree seemed to be moving, I could hear the leaves from a few hundred feet away as though it were alive. Other nearby trees were completely still. I took this as a sign that I wasn’t alone.

I broke most of my rules in the early miles – my yoga and meditation stops became extremely brief, I was not following my nutrition plan since I desperately needed the caffeine and sugar to keep me moving, and I stopped more frequently than originally intended.

Wednesday night was the only time that I stopped for dinner during the run and they were serving mushroom soup, which melted my heart and softened all my hard edges. I didn’t just eat this bowl of soup, I elevated my being through this soup – it was a spiritual experience. Only long dirty hard-fought miles can make me appreciate seriously good food this much.

When the sun went down on day one, I started listening to live recordings from Woodstock and did some long miles on the LOTUS road, stopping and bowing at LOTUS temple, the tomb of Gurudev and Nataraj shrine each time that I passed. As the miles wore on, I started confusing the spiritual sites and mixing up the names, I was getting tired. (Jai Gurudev, Jai LOTUS, Jai Nataraj)

Not only that, I was terrified running in the dark. It was pitch black and the Ashram was locked up and shut down, and I could only see a few feet in front of me. But here’s the thing that kept me going – the most amazing sky full of stars that I have ever seen in my life. I secretly wished that everyone who loved Yogaville could experience this at some point, I cried deeply over how beautiful it was and how much I appreciated this experience… all the while listening to Hendrix and CSNY and Joe Cocker and on and on rock out at Woodstock.

But the fear became overwhelming and I climbed the stairs to the Kailash shrine and headed for home. There were more than 200 metal steps (I lost count). The night was dead silent and I could only hear my footsteps, until about halfway up the stairway to Heaven (that’s what it looked like in the darkness). My footsteps started to shake the metal contraption and it sounded like there was someone behind me, which greatly added to my fear. I looked down the steps and saw several dozen steps lit up and then drop off into darkness, and I looked up the steps and saw the same and felt that the world had disappeared and it was only me and these steps that seemed to take forever and a day to climb. My breathing was fast and my heartbeat was racing.

Reaching the top of these stairs and looking out over all of Virginia (recall: amazing sky full of stars) was breathtaking, yet still I was surrounded in blackness and now found myself in a big open field with only a couple feet of light ahead of me. (Recall: so scared)

I got back to the room, took a hot shower and climbed into one of the most comfortable beds I have ever slept in. Here I should note that Yogaville set me up in a special guest suite, since this is clearly a step above monastic life at the Ashram. They also put a bowl of fresh fruit harvested from their organic farm in my room. Special, indeed. Day one mileage – 18.

I woke up before dawn and scrambled to put on my muddy shoes and flew out the door. By the time the sun was coming up, I was running along the James River surrounded by deer who seemed to always be nearby. Since I had meetings in the afternoon (I do pro-bono work for Yogaville), I could only run until about 12:30pm. Day two am mileage: 19.

Post meeting I threw on my muddy shoes again and set off. This time, I only ran a few miles since the fear was even worse than the night before. By the time that I got back to the room, there were three deer right outside my door. It was special. Day two pm mileage: 10.

I woke early to wrap up the miles and set the strongest pace for all three days. I was getting seriously hungry at this point because of the high mileage and no meals of substance for several days. Fistfuls of Pringles, PBJs, bananas, Clif Blocks were my only sustenance… and lots of Tailwind, of course.

Near the finish, I stopped by the Yogaville Distribution Center and picked up mala beads as a reward for finishing. It was odd wrapping up 67 miles and not telling anyone, although there was a guy in the parking lot fixing his pick-up and he asked me how many miles I had just run and I explained to him. The look on his face was priceless. Day three mileage: 20.

My love for Yogaville can’t be captured in words and these miles made me feel a special connection to this Heaven on Earth that I had never before experienced in all my visits. I usually feel like a visitor on the trails, but this time I felt like I was at home.

I sat down with one of the Swamis that day and was distracted and hurried and focused on organizing myself and getting back on the road home. Of course, this Swami was filled with peace, love and contentment and she drew me in quickly and everything else seemed to drop away.

This is life as best as I know it – In all of the chaos and confusion and distraction, magic is happening. The goal of life is to not miss it, to be aware and present for it. The look in her eyes and the feeling of being with her is what has always brought me back to Yogaville, there is an energy there that I haven’t found anywhere else in the world.

Running those miles filled me with gratitude for what I have been given through Yogaville and through my life. My birthday was the next day, and someone (I think I know who!) tipped off the Swamis and they sang the Sanskrit happy birthday song (Mahamrityunjay mantra) to me, then the English version then a funny version that I had never heard before and I felt like the luckiest person in the world.

I always cry like a baby when I’m leaving Yogaville, filled with a new sense of focus and purpose. Being alone out there helped me make peace with being alone, and with that acceptance comes a feeling of never being alone. The people who are supposed to be closest to me – my daughter, my parents, my siblings, my long-time friends – are the people who are genuinely closest to me. With them in my life, I will never feel lonely even if I am alone. They are always with me and I do not lose the relationships that truly matter.

I was never alone on those trails, but I did feel a sense of empowerment that comes from supporting myself. The next day, I celebrated my 47th birthday. Three days later, I bought a house on my own. I broke down laughing when I saw my name in the middle of the contract – TRACY COOLEY, A SINGLE WOMAN.

Good reminder that I am standing on my own two feet, whether I am running 108k or buying a house and the lesson that I learned to get me here is the greatest lesson of my life. Maybe there will be another closest relationship in my life but being TRACY COOLEY, A SINGLE WOMAN buying the house, running the miles, eating the Pringles, savoring the mushroom soup and praying with the mala beads is profoundly awesome.

Jai Satchidananda. Jai Woodstock. Jai Yogaville. Victory, victory, victory!

 

 

 

February teaser

February was a busy month, I wrote this on a flight to Vancouver in between nodding off. So, take this with a grain of salt (or sand?!)

What if the universe could be contained in a grain of sand, as William Blake has suggested? If it is infinite, then wouldn’t that mean that size and space become irrelevant. Does a grain of sand contain infinite multitudes?

Just as our DNA – our biological building blocks of life – is infinitely complex yet too small to view without a microscope, couldn’t a grain of sand be equally as infinite?
Places can shape our feelings and guide our thoughts. There is a world of feeling in all places, an infinite source for newly experiencing ourselves. The opportunity for reinterpretation of whatever in us is stuck or rotting.

Places have an infinite wisdom, and can be an external mirror to our internal self.
I’ve always identified with certain places as microcosms of peace that I can go to whenever I want. Whether it be Olympus Mons, or the furthest end of the ocean. Hovering over the water and listening to vast open space, filling in every detail of the sky, the stars, the ripples in the water. Letting go of the grasping, letting it all fall away to the beauty of a place that expands consciousness by simply being.

Knowing that this place actually exists, and is available to me through my thoughts is one of the most profound truths of life. It gives meaning to the term infinite, and yet I cannot begin to imagine what the word truly means although I know that I feel more infinite when I choose a place and go there in thought.

These are the safe havens that fill the universe and are always available. They are real, and traveling to them in our thoughts can make life feel more real. The concept of infinite can be tangled in complexity and unending realms of meaning, or it can be touched through simple thoughts that reach beyond the layers of what is mundane and expected and limiting. The mind is infinite, anything is possible as there are no corners of the universe that are inaccessible through thought.

Once we go to a place, it never leaves us. Even if we go through mind-travel, it stays with us forever. How we view places and, specifically, our place in places is a reflection of who we are and this is the origin of the infinite. Interpretation and experience of a place provide infinite depth and breadth as it is different for every person, situation and time.
Yet places are real on their own. Living and breathing with matter and energy, even if there are no living organisms certain places exist as part of a collective energy. They give energy and serve a purpose.

We are part of the places that we inhabit, there is no separateness. We feel separateness but it is consciousness that produces the feeling of separateness. In reality, everything and everyone is inter-related. We all represent a collective consciousness and places are included in this consciousness. They exist in an energetic universe, they are the energetic universe just as we are the energetic universe.
It is impossible to understand or comprehend, but amazing to consider. We feel separate but we are not separate.

help me spread the word!

IY Mag cover
My Yogaville 108k is quickly approaching and I am asking for your help in raising awareness! To learn more about the run, please check out the story in Integral Yoga magazine:

http://integralyogamagazine.org/running-a-moving-meditation/

I am using this as an opportunity to raise awareness for the Woodstock 50th Anniversary and Swami Satchidananda’s role in setting the tone for the event as a gathering of peace, love and joy.

This will be a “moving meditation” run on sacred ground – the message that Gurudev delivered at Woodstock captures the intention of this run to align mind-body-spirit in all endeavors.

I know that many of my followers are fellow bloggers and I enjoy checking out your content. If you are interested in a guest blog post from me, or sharing content (you share a guest blog post with me, I share a guest blog post with you), please reach out!

I’ll be sharing more details on the experience in the coming weeks, please stay tuned…

OM Shanti. Shanti. Shanti.

 

OKT: Yogaville 108k

woodstock Guru
Sri Swami Satchidananda speaking at Woodstock in 1969

The Spiritual Life Board at Satchidananda Ashram-Yogaville has approved my request to run 108k on the trails of Yogaville to honor Sri Swami Satchidananda, the ‘Woodstock Guru’ as this year is the 50th Anniversary of Woodstock.

I’ll be running the “Only Known Time” for 108k at Yogaville on my birthday weekend at the end of March. This run will be different than any other trail run that I’ve ever taken on since I will be primarily focused on honoring Gurudev and the Ashram.

The significance of 108 is that it is the number of beads in mala beads, which are used for prayer and meditation. In addition, the number has a scientific foundation as the circumference of the sun times 108 is the distance between the sun and the Earth as well as the moon and the Earth. There also are 108 nadis – energy channels – in the body.

Yogaville is located at 108 Yogaville Way in Buckingham, Virginia. Swami Satchidananda chose the location from a helicopter as he recognized the area as a spiritual place and the preferred site of his dream of ‘heaven on Earth.’

Yogaville follows a Daily Schedule that includes meditation in the morning, at noon and in the evening in addition to a morning 90-minute Hatha yoga class, as well as an evening Hatha yoga class. I will be participating in all meditation and yoga sessions during the run. When available, I will be stopping for Puja at Kailash as well. In addition, I will be taking my shoes off to walk through all sacred sites and will stop to show respect at Kailash at the Nataraja Shrine, Chidambaram, and LOTUS on each loop.

I will follow the general guidelines of Yogaville – no meat, fish, eggs, alcohol and only minimal intake of sugar and caffeine. My phone will be off throughout the weekend.

Yogaville encourages a monastic lifestyle to quiet the mind and bring peace. The message that opened Woodstock 50 years ago remains the powerful message of Yogaville – Always choose peace by seeking the kingdom within.

The run will be a moving meditation for me, each step will be guided by Gurudev and the beauty and peacefulness of the magnificent hallowed ground beneath my feet. The opportunity will allow me to promote the message of Yogaville and importance of appreciating the peace, stillness and happiness that is ever present within each of us.

Nothing brings me greater peace than becoming one with nature by freeing and opening myself to the freedom that is available when fear drops away and the journey fills with pure possibility. To bring this passion to my experience on the trails at Yogaville is a profound, magnificent opportunity.

My sangha – spiritual community – at Yogaville has changed my life. I am deeply grateful to Siva, Prem, Santoshi, Swami Mataji, the Spiritual Life Board and all the beautiful people who have inspired me during my sacred times at the Ashram.

While I haven’t decided on the path that I will follow, I’m estimating 2-mile loops on trail primarily, with a few brief road sections within the LOTUS gate and on Karuna Lane leading to Kailash. Not only will I be following a “leave no trace” approach on the trails, but will stop to care for the trails as necessary.

I will be camping during my entire stay and will arrive early to first establish a greater sense of well-being before beginning the run.

While I still have more planning to do, I am thrilled to find more ways to honor and respect Gurudev, my sangha, and the Ashram through this moving meditation.

Peace, love, joy to all.

Om Shanti. Shanti. Shanti.